Only a few days left until the elections, and in the last couple of weeks my home phone has been ringing off the hook with messages from both parties.

They ask questions like; what is more important to you? Health Care? The Economy?

What they really should be asking is, do you think that people are dumb enough to believe the crap that each of the parties is saying about the other?

When it comes down to it, they are politicians after all, and for my money, it’s the Clown versus Ninja, what I ask is which one is which?

Stranded, Part 13
Josh woke to the voice “tissue regeneration complete, blood pressure 120 over 68, pulse 55, thank you for using the Nightingale, Mk IV., have a nice day”

Easing the unit’s hatch open, Josh looked around the room, checking for signs of entry. Seeing none, his eyes went to the clock and stopped.

He had been in the med unit for three weeks, he hadn’t thought that the damage was that extensive on his first observation. Well, at least he has a purpose to survive now, if only to hunt down that little red beast that had tried to eat him

Now that’s a mouth full.

The Beginning.

Some great stories start out like Charles Dickens A Tale of Two Cities with “It was the best of time, It was the worst of times”

Or even classics like Poe’s The Raven, with “Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,”

But only Larry Snodcrapper would come up with a beginning like “What would you do if you found yourself face to face with a dragon and all you had was a boyscout handbook and a pinata costume?” in his story, I was a teenaged podcaster.

But here my latest. The topic was “Jimmy Buffet”

It’s called The Haircut
It’s been two weeks since I retired from my job of thirty-five years and in thirty-five years some things change, but then again, some things don’t.
As an example, I’ve been going to Jimmy’s barber shop for the last twenty-five years and no other barber has touched my hair in all that time. One thing Jimmy does is ask me each time how I want it cut. Oh sure, each year there’s a little less to cut on top, but he still asks, “How do you want the top Terry?”
Now I say, “Well, Jimmy, buff-it to a high sheen.”

Cereal?

Police Detective Johnson read this week’s crime report:

On Tuesday, as a Kellogg’s truck pulled up to the dock of a grocery store, it exploded into flames that shot one hundred feet into the air.
On Wednesday, it was a Fruity Pebbles truck that exploded across town at another grocery store.
On Thursday, a Cheerios truck was ambushed and totally destroyed.
On Friday, a not so lucky, Lucky Charms truck was the subject of a bombing.
At the scene of each crime a spoon emblem and “United” had been drawn.

Yup, they defiantly had another cereal killer on the loose.

Well, that was nothing new, he thought, but as everyone knew, the current administration had made it taboo to criticize the Chinese in order to gain their support and their money for the mission to Mars.

Here’s my submission for this week’s 100 Word Stories Podcast challenge: Zombies

Bizroc and his wife walked along the tunnel with the satisfaction of full stomachs for the first time in many months. Like every worship day, they had joined their neighbors, marching like zombies, silently down the tunnel toward the worship hall.

They continued to march, getting closer to the meeting hall, becoming increasingly aware that something was different today.

Maybe different wasn’t the correct word, they were in for something special, special and profound, from the sounds of the choir.

Bizroc wondered if it pertained to the earthling, as he and his wife had found so sweet and delicious.

Stranded, Part 10
Bizroc happily scurried into the kitchen, amazed at the good luck of his hunting mere minutes ago.

The earthling had been so easily confused; Bizroc had hardly appeared when the earthling froze in his tracks, unable to move.

Then, it had been so easy, no thick armored skin like any of the local animals, one swipe of his fangs and he had enough meat for both him and his wife.

While he thought of his good luck, Bizroc put the large chuck of meat into the Steamer Trunk to let it hydrate and cook, they would be eating good tonight.

Stranded, Part 9

Josh ran into the ship’s med section, using the last of his strength, he pressed his hand against the biometric scanner, the hatch opened.

He quickly climbed into the Nightingale, Mk IV., careful not to shift the cloth that kept the blood from gushing out of his leg.

It was foresight that Space Command included the automated med machine, without it he would be dead.

It would take the Nightingale at least two weeks to regenerate the large chuck of flesh that was missing. Then he would take care of that little red beast that had tried to eat him.

Bizrocca strolled slowly along the walkway deep in thought.

Here she was working her ass off to keep them living the life style that they were accustomed to, and what does he do.

He gives her that tasteless birthday cake with little meat in it, and she was sure he had used the neighbors pet as the main ingredient. Why she had found the toenails from seven of the beast’s feet in the cake for god’s sake.

And just what does he say….

“But my lumpy dumpy, I wanted to catch that 4 legged beast the earthling brought with him, but it was just too fast for me.”

Too fast for him, shit, he was just too fucken lazy to get off his ass and leave their comfortable house.

Well, that was life in the sewer, it just doesn’t get any better than this on Mars.